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Recently I’ve listened to lots of single people using the term ‘type’ in conversations that are either used to justify why they keep going with a certain type of person or to justify why they won’t stray away from type and try something different.

Everyone has a type; some of us prefer blondes, some of us are suckers for dark hair and a bad boy exterior, some of us have a penchant for black guys, some of us like a man with a big dick and not much conversational skills, and others prefer the poetic, creative types. Some of it’s about looks and some of it is about a perceived personality or type of behaviour. The most popular types tend to fall into the Bad Boys and Mr Unavailable camps.

How often do you hear people saying, “My type is ‘nice guys’“?

As my awareness increases about of the choices I make and how they impact on my life, ultimately keeping me single or flailing about in unavailable relationships, it’s occurred to me that the notion of ‘type’ is keeping us down and holding us back. Maybe if we clear our tunnel vision, stop being colour blind, take off the blinkers, the beer goggles, the rose-tinted glasses and turn off the bad boy radar, we might stand a cat’s hope in hell of happiness with a man that treats us well. We’re all capable of getting a boyfriend and getting married, but how about getting the ‘right’ boyfriend or husband and actually being happy?

Type narrows down your opportunities and has you sometimes fishing from a rather shallow pool.

The more criteria that you have for your type, the less likely you actually are to be in a relationship.

If you have a pattern (a little relationship thread that runs through your relationship history), you most definitely have a type and it’s quite likely that while your eyes are on the lookout or focused on this type, you’re missing some really good opportunities.

If you’re a woman that has a relationship pattern or can define her type (or both for that matter), it’s likely that you have a Toxic Type that is wreaking havoc with your relationships.

It’s polluting your relationship activities and hindering you from hitting your end goals.

If your type is a physical thing, this is superficial. In fact the whole type thing is rather superficial and based on snap judgements!

A ‘type’ is a guideline, an ideal, not a necessary or a prerequisite. What many women have to accept is that whether they are treating it as an ideal or a prerequisite, your type may not be good for you and you may need to deviate, change course, change habit, and ultimately change your pattern.

You’ll suddenly realise that you’ve been messing with a Toxic Type for too long when it occurs to you that the years are zipping by, you’re either still resolutely single or your relationships keep heading in the same direction and you’re still miserable. Suddenly a big dick and not much conversational skills will seem such a waste. You know what they say about more than a handful!

Really what it comes down to is being open to different types of guys and taking a chance and talking to the guy that you normally wouldn’t pay much attention to. You may just surprise yourself and find happiness with someone who you wouldn’t have dreamed of being with.

Change can definitely be a good thing. Get a bin for that toxic waste while you’re at it!

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