A couple of days back I explained how a typical Mr Unvailable or assclown (or maybe he’s both) uses passive aggression in the relationship to absolve himself of any responsibility but also to do nothing. But…would you be surprised to know that we can indulge in our own passive-aggressive behaviour too?
Passive aggression is about trying to get your own way by essentially doing nothing, or doing exactly what you intended to do, even though you may have made noises to the contrary to the other party.
Now it’s safe to say that part of the reason why women get involved with men who are passive aggressive is because his behaviour mimics patterns that they are all too familiar with from their childhood. If you’re with a passive-aggressive man, it’s likely that one or both of your parents controlled their relationship with this behaviour. Like in a number of childhood situations that foster eventual emotional unavailability, you probably felt helpless being caught up in this family dynamic because much like in your present, back then, one person was getting their own way by silently manouevring around the other person whilst the recipient was no doubt pissed off and frustrated at their behaviour and the results of it. You probably tried to help but were likely powerless, so in adulthood, it’s almost like righting the wrongs of your past by trying to be successful in surpassing this behaviour.
The thing is that you’re bound to be frustrated because its like getting the same results, different year, and once again, your efforts are unappreciated.
You want to help him because he seems helpless or feigns helplessness about his problems but on the flipside, his treatment of you will at times feel like an attack on you or you’ll at the least feel like your generosity is being abused. But because you’re so used to his behaviour, you’ll get caught up in trying to manage him and manage yourself around it.
Trouble is…he’ll more often than not outwit you.
That annoying word ‘neediness’ comes home to roost in these relationships because it is your apparent ‘neediness’ that will draw you into these situations, and then of course, as usual your needs don’t get met and you feel frustrated and are either silent simmering hoping for things to change, or trying to verbalise your anger in a way that will win out over him and force him to take action so that you get what you want.
Now we often feel like victims to their behaviour because we appear to be the party that is the only one working hard to save the relationship, but remember that choosing partners that reflect negative things we believe about ourselves, love, and relationships, is a self-fulfilling prophecy where we know the outcome.
In this situation, you’ll find that you’re always with men who are incapable of meeting your needs so you’re left wanting, but on the flipside you always choose men who are inherently incapable of giving you what you want, so you constantly feel invalidated by their behaviour.
You’ll get pissed off, angry, possibly even more needy, and him being how he is, he’ll retreat to in essence, ‘bring you to heel’.
He’ll manage down your expectations until he feels he can ‘manage’ you and when you get essentially backed into this corner, you’ll feel like it’s the negative behaviour that you display that’s holding your relationship back, so there’s more self-blame to heap on yourself, and of course your self-esteem is going to nosedive because of the lack of success of this relationship.
Many women are focused on trying to get their men to change so that they can validate themselves but also so that they can get him to meet their idea of what they think he and the relationship could be. Rather than opt out of the relationship when clear red flags are displayed, boundaries are crossed, and there is no foundation, they just dig in for the long haul and try to force the relationship.
By staying there, having endless discussions, telling him every iota of thought that passes through your brain, telling him how unappreciated you are, how much you love him, how nobody gets him like you do, what he should be doing, what he isn’t doing, and how you can’t put up with this for much longer, you are actually indulging in various types of passive aggression.
You’re not leaving but you hope that by saying you might leave and how this is his ‘last’ chance, that it will suddenly galvanise him into action.
You’re hearing but you’re not listening, so even when he does tell you point blank what he can or cannot do, you hear something else or decide that you know better.
You tell him that you’re ‘cool’ with the relationship and make out that you’re happy to go along with whatever arrangement he has fostered upon you, and then ‘secretly’ try engineer things to the way he professes not to want them, which is when his obstinateness kicks in.
You don’t see him as he really is. You see him in a past light (often brief behaviour that he exhibited) or in the wonderful glow of future light where you’re betting on potential and most of your efforts about getting him to be one of these guys. You’re quietly forcing your version of the relationship upon him.
Ultimately, your relationships end up being like standoffs. You hope that your inaction will win out so that he is forced to change rather than you opting out and having to look closer at your own behaviour. Unfortunately this rarely, if ever works.
You can only be responsible for your own capacity to change so if you don’t want your relationships to be full of inaction, you have to be the party that takes action.
You don’t have to continue to take part in these relationships, feeling perpetually disappointed, unappreciated, frustrated, and used, with your self-esteem in tatters. In part 3, I’ll give some suggestions for combatting this behaviour. You will find that when you set boundaries in your relationships, adapt your communication style, and follow through on maintaining your boundaries and things that you say, even if they cause uncomfortableness, life actually becomes easier.
In the meantime, what are your thoughts on passive aggression? Do you see yourself as passive aggressive?
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Very interesting! I have some research to do, thank you 🙂
Wow. This was my marriage in a nutshell. After 6 years, I was at a stoplight and saw my life 50 years from then, still unhappy, still complaining, still having the endless conversations that were only reaping more obstinate behavior from him..and more disrespect, albeit cloaked in ‘victimhood.’ I decided at that stoplight that I (as in ME, MYSELF, I) was going to have to get off of my explaining and over-explaining ass and bounce. That was the only was I was ever going to be happy. In that moment, I stopped waiting on him: I took my power back, called the relationship, booted his butt out (a difficult choice as we had a 9 month old baby) and began divorce proceedings. This was two and a half years ago, before I had a name for all of this stuff; I’m only sorry I wasn’t aware of this site then. So, all of this to say, thank you for this post, thank you for this site and all of the research [and compassion] you have clearly put into it to help your readers.
I have to say that the minute I established boundaries and then maintained them, there was an instant shift…not in him so much, but in me. Later, and I’m talking months later when he came to me and apologized, I still maintained them and felt the shift in the relationship. He knows now that he can no longer pull me in and blow hot and cold. He knows that friendship is all I offer and that I will not cross those boundaries with him again…ever! Damn it feels good! 🙂
I’m proud to say that this is the first clear-cut, unfazed moment I saw my father in my ex, step by step…
NML, I think there are a lot more actual examples of P/A behavior that us Fallback Girls engage in, and that was what I was hoping to get from this post.
I don’t have a clear idea of what P/A is, but I think I was doing when I would respond to his unresponsiveness by Withdrawing My Money from the Bank. (On the emotional level, that is.)
About a year after he stopped telling me how wonderful I was, I stopped telling him good things about himself. I stopped emailing every day after I noticed that he wasn’t anymore, took awhile to notice. When I noticed how little he contributed towards conversation, I shut the f>>>k up and let the silence fall over. THAT’S when he finally noticed that something was up.
Is that P/A?
I also don’t know what P/A behavior is. 🙁
Ok, I’ll own up too, I’m not sure what P/A is either, and how it fits into the EUM/fallback girl scenario. NML, I think we all might need a refresher course!
Thanks for the comments. If you can email or post in this comments box the specific things that you didn’t understand between this post and the previous post https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/passive-aggression-in-relationships-part-1/, I will answer these questions either later today or tomorrow. It is the evening here now and baby due home any minute. If I’m going to write another post, it would be easier to get specifics about what examples used across both postsm explanations etc that you didn’t understand and I’ll see what I can come up with
Regina – yours is a form of passive aggression although not one I come across a lot with readers
NML, in part I you said:
“Behaving like a complete assclown and knowing deep down that he is in the hope that you will respect yourself, opt out and reject his behaviour.”
Does that mean he acts passive aggressive so that the woman will reject him rather him “breaking” it off?
NML, also can you please explain why Regina’s passive agressive is different than other readers?
Boy oh Boy, I am learning new stuff every day.
OK Astelle, these are pretty quick questions so they can be answered here:
Re him behaving badly – OK, we have a guy, let’s call him Mr X who is going out with Miss Y. He wants to end the relationship but he doesn’t want to state it and doesn’t want to seem responsible for it ending. This can be done for any number of reasons – he doesn’t want to *look* like an assclown even though he is and it also makes it easier to claim to be the injured party. Miss Y starts finding herself on the receiving end of shitty behaviour and after a while, she ends up deciding she has had enough and ends the relationship. Job done. The relationship is over only he didn’t have to the thing he didn’t want to do which was be the one to state that it is over because he instead behaved in a way that forced her to do it for him – this is passive aggressive.
Also some of these guys know deep down that they are totally inappropriate partners and as a defence mechanism that allows them to distance themselves from you, they treat you badly so that if you respect yourself, you get rid of him. If you don’t dump him for his poor behaviour, he knows you have no self-respect so he gives himself license to treat you badly. So either way, he gets the desired result – you end it or you prove that you deserve to be treated this way. Again, passive aggressive behaviour.
Regarding Regina, passive aggression is passive aggression but my response to her was specifically because she objected that I didn’t list the example she expected/wanted. Her specific example is what she does, but I generalised for the purpose of a general post about passive aggression. Her behaviour isn’t uncommon at all – I’ve done it with an ex and I’m sure others have. I just used *some* examples based on current readers or emails that I get.
Sometimes FB’s withdraw their emotions, but they end up being short term because they panic about what they are doing, because of self-doubt but also the inclination to seek him out, so when she cuts him off for a week and plays cold, she’ll follow it up by chasing him for a month and blowing hot.
Ladies….one other dynamic that I forgot to mention is my xEUM is wanting to play the revenge card. He did a couple hurtful things that I won’t go into but I know he’s trying to give it back to me for leaving him. He has abandonment issues and everytime I broke up with him he would mention that. Anyway it’s of no real importance now but I wish I hadn’t been quite so nice when ending it, I should just have let him have it and told him what an assclown he truly is. Instead I opted for the high road just babbling things like, “I have to move on, I need my space but I still love you, maybe we can talk down the line…blah, blah” It was all such a waste of breath. I’m sure all he heard was “I’m being rejected”.. Why do women like us feel we have to be so nice all the time, even in the face of our SO’s inconsistent treatment of us? This has to be the ultimate passive-aggressive behavior that NML is talking about. Of course I wanted to yell and scream at him and say FU, goodbye assclown. But instead I was pretending to be nice, when I was really giving him the middle finger.
MAL XXXXX
NML, I understand it now. My question is if you don’t tell him it is over and instead just cut contact (like I did) will he see this as you ended the relationship? I am asking, now I am thinking that is what my guy back then did, waiting for me to go away?
This post brings me a lot of regret… I never saw myself as passisive aggressive… just aggressive. But it goes back to your post on women who talk too much… I talked and talked and talked. I realize now because I couldn’t do the most aggressive thing which was leave.
I am still doing the what ifs these days… wondering what would have happened if I showed I respected myself, wondering if our relationship dynamic failed us vs. him being such an assclown. I try not to worry too much because I dont’ think it would have worked between us in the end so what is the point of having a do-over when it would end eventually. But being back out dating, and not feeling that spark that I had with my EUM with any of these guys. I try and tell myself that it’s because the games don’t exist… but after a few dates with my EUM he was dedicated to me just like these new guys and I didn’t run.
NML, I am having a hard time believing my that my subconsious or 6th sense knew that my EUM was bad news which is what had me so into him…
Anyhow, just reading this I keep thinking I wish I could have done it differently so that I would know for sure if he and I would have worked out.
I have read this a few times now and now guess I’m PA as well because I’m still with my EUM and I say to myself..okay, this time, I’m not going to tell him I love him, I’m going to act like I don’t give a damn when of course I do. Then I started thinking about this…he has always acted jealous! When we first started out, he would tell me and I mean from the beginning, (the first six months) “I don’t know if I’m capable, I don’t know whats wrong with me” so even though we saw each other at least once a week and would communicate mostly via text we were mainly just in the FB status. He would make comments about me being with someone else etc. He just assumed that I was seeing someone else. He even threw a fit one night throwing a chair and a remote across the room over (scared me) a guy he thought I had been with. He told me he couldn’t stand the thought of me sleeping with this guy and could not get past it. Of course, I haven’t been with this guy and have repeatedly told him that. He still does not believe me. Then we began spending every weekend all weekend together, and every night he was in town together, with me practically living at his house. BUT STILL…when my phone goes off or I look at it or try to use it around him he ask “who is that, who are you texting, is that your other man” etc. etc. I get so sick of those statements and he has even come out and said “your getting a booty call” when my phone goes off and if its a different ring tone..”who is that? when did you assign that?” Now, I know his acting jealous isn’t a sign of love or affection, its his own insecurity. BUT now I wonder if he isn’t trying in his own SICK mind to tell me its really okay if I go and see someone else because he knows he will never change, be a man and give me what I want? I’ve been wondering this within the last week. Is this him being PA? And I have literaly said to him (when he comments about my phone going off being another guy) I say..oh, they know not to contact me on the weekend, only during the week when you are out of town! Is that me being PA? Can anyone comment on this? Maybe shed some light on this behavior?
Noelle, my EUM did the opposite and told me he is “not capable of jealousy” but I think he was just telling himself that. When we broke up he said he did not want to think of me with someone else BUT on our 2nd date he told me that he wanted me to date other people so I could find out that he was the best… I realize now I think he did this so he could date other people.
I think that you should be wary of this behaviour as your EUM seems to be going a bit over the top. Mine was also cheating on me but went on and on about how bad cheating is. Thou doth protest too loudly comes to mind. He might be making such a big issue so that you will think he’s not dating anyone else either because you’ll think it bothers him so much. If they have to go out of their way to make such a big issue out of it, I see defensiveness and get suspicious. Also, when people are cheating they often get suspicious of their partner because they know what they are capable of themselves.
Just a thought.
Dazed, thanks! I have thought of this also and have even said the same thing to his face. I have said “its usually the ones that are guilty that point the finger.” The only time he would have to cheat is when he is out of town because we are together when he is home. But thats not to say he isn’t seeing another woman out of town, he could be and thats not to say he isn’t thinking of seeing another woman. My EUM is very very insecure. He calls himself a loser and has even said to me that he does not know why I want to be with him. The last breakup I acted crazy and said to him afterward, “do you think I’m crazy” and his response was, yeah, for wanting to be with me. The girlfriend before me who only lasted 6 months was married but kept saying she was going to divorce her husband and never did, she went back to him. He is also a control freak and has even admitted his ex wife told him he was a control freak. I remember the day of our first date (what should have been a red flag) he was emailing me all day long and kept checking to see if I had changed my mind about going out with him. Then that first week he would text me (when he was out of town ) and say “you are probably with someone else but thats none of my business.” I should have seen the flags then because I remember thinking to myself that his behavior was a little much for week 1! I honestly don’t think he is cheating because he has always done this but it like I said in my earlier post, it makes me wonder if he doesn’t wish I would cheat so HE would have a good reason to end it and look like the victim…again PA!
Noelle, Noelle, what are you waiting for?
Have you read Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl yet?
I’m on day 19 of NC and starting to feel like myself again!
Yesterday I received my Master Gardener’s training completion certificate, and I only shed two tears for the ex-EUM. Really hadda squeeze ’em out, too.
I had a bout of insomnia last night when my housemate came home very late. I couldn’t go back to sleep, my thoughts kept spinning. But after awhile I noticed that I had not been thinking about *him!* I had planned myself a birthday party, put together an agenda for my community garden Board’s next meeting, and figured out how to rearrange my cash flow for my business so that I could get some last-minute supplies before holiday rush. Oh, and I was looking forward to getting my Hoop Dance teacher training, and I remembered that I had the idea to take my hoop dance classes and offer them on cruise ships, so I could get a vacation that I could never hope to afford otherwise. Now, does this sound like the sort of woman who would be pining away for an EU committment-phobe? Nuh-uh.
I am sure there will still be some low spots, but Noelle et. al., just wanted to give you a glimpse of what is on the other side.
Noelle, the other thing I find interesting is the flexible morals some people have. I ended up having a debate with my eum one day about what is considered cheating. These guys are not neccessarily carrying on other relationships but they are certainly leaving themselves open to attention from other women that we might consider inappropriate. I think the key issue with anyhealthy relationship is you should not have to sit down and say “now if you did this with a woman it would be wrong”… So another woman or not I would say that his behaviour while away from you is likely attention seeking… it’s what most insecure people do and when driven by their insecurities they are usually making decisions which suit them without other people’s feelings in mind.
Regina, thank you! It sounds as if you are doing wonderful and that of course, does help me to! Yes, (ashamed) to say, I have read the book, ashamed because here I am still with him. 😉 I dont know what I’m waiting for! I have no excuse left, trust me. Whats even worse is I practically live on this site, reading every post and reader comments. I know what I need and should do, its just doing it. As I’ve commented on other post, I am implenting the backout plan and am working on that setting myself a deadline of January 1, that is my deadline for ending it. Thanks for your comment because it does help to see another woman making it after an EUM!
NC or not it takes time to get over any breakup, especially with an EUM. I broke NC after two months but only briefly. Nothing that will get us back together but even so I still am struggling with it . It just isn’t that easy for some of us. It seems some people can move on quicker. As Dazedandconfused said, she’s dating but hasn’t found anyone that she connects with like her xEUM. It’s the same for me. I’ve dated several men and felt absolutely nothing. That is so disappointing because it makes me think I may never find love again. Also coming out of a relationship with an EUM, a person is actually shell shocked. I’m not the same person I was going into it. I’m more guarded, less open. I’m wondering will I ever allow myself to let anyone in again? And then there’s the awful comparing that you do with any man you meet, comparing them to the xEUM. I have no idea how to stop doing that. It seems to sabotage things before they can even get off the ground. So I don’ t have any answers right now. I’m without the man I loved and I’m lonely. It basically sucks. One day I’m up and the next I’m down. The only thing I know how to do is to try to get through one day at a time.
I have a gf that said it best..”when you finally get enough of it, you will leave.” I keep wondering about that. I mean, I ask myself now, when you KNOW that he will not be the man you want, why in the world do you stay? I said to myself the other day, I have no expectations anymore at all. I don’t have any hope left that we will be the couple I had once dreamed of. I know we won’t. I know he isn’t going to wake up one day and say I know now for sure I do love you, lets get married. What a joke! I don’t live in the fantasy world anymore. Maybe thats why I stay so angry with myself and feel myself getting more and more angry with him. While he sits there and can look me in the eye and actually say…”I love you but I’m trying to figure it out” AND the clincher “but we keep winding up back together”….I think did he really just say that? Does he really think its some kind of cosmic thing and that because *we* keep getting back together it MUST BE true love? GEESE! I wish it were easy and sometimes I wish there was a pill you could take to just forget! Then I remember what my gf said and think, when I finally get enough!….
Hi Noelle, that is called “a defining moment.” It’s a moment that happens when this light bulb goes off in your head and everything becomes clear, you know what you need to do, and YOU DO IT. My defining moment was when my ex-EUM had come over to my house on a Sunday afternoon to help me finish my laminate floor in my living room. I was in my kitchen looking at him outside my window in my backyard cutting wood with a jigsaw and concentrating on doing a good job, etc. I suddenly had this feeling of total happiness and I felt complete. My “man” was in my backyard helping me, and sharing a project with me, and we were having a great time. Then, all of a sudden, that moment turned into extreme pain and sadness and the instant realization that he WOULD NEVER BE THIS MAN. This was a fantasy. This was just one of his “blowing hot” phases, and soon he would disappear again (which he did). I think the fact that I experienced this moment with him made me realize the sad reality of our relationship and that bittersweet moment gave me the strength to walk away. That was the last time he came over to my house, and we haven’t really spoken since. I have maintained NC for almost three months, and I am done….
Just registering so I can follow the discussion. Great post, and sadly I’ve dealt with P/A b/friends and people all too often…
Hi MyAlmostLover, I want to acknowledge, yes I’m without the man I loved as well and yes I’m lonely and it sucks. I’m with you there, girl, and no I can’t imagine any other man who would interest me like him. So men are just not going to be a part of my life in that way, so I guess I am just going to try to make the other parts of my life go as well as possible.
I wish I knew all what I know now I would have saved myself a lot of time and heartbreak. Even though I am having a hard time letting go of an EUM utimately it will be for my own good to completely end everything as he always was incapable of giving me what I needed and nothing has changed so there is no point me in even telling him and talking and talking and creating drama … I wish it was easy to redefine yourself and to change but I spent a long time being this way so I figure it will be a while for change to take place.
Looking forward to part three of this post..
WOW what a great site! Unbelievable how many people are dealing with this behavior. Not sure where to categorize a man who thinks his daughters should think/behave just like him even though he claims he is in loving relationship. I don’t have people over because I am always “corrected” in what I say because he thinks he is always right. Is this nariccistism or passive/aggressive behavior? You are so right about men who don’t have a good relationship with their mothers. If I only knew then what I know now!
Trish, this guy is one of the most damaging types. He is a controller. Get out while you still have a mind to work with.
He might be narcissist on top, but a controlling personality is rarely treatable. I had an aunt married to one of these guys, by the time she was in her early 40’s, you might think she had Alzheimers, she could barely speak, she stuttered so much and she could not develop or express an opinion of her own, she would just agree with whatever anybody else said. The uncle had to tell her where on the sofa to sit, which channel to turn the TV to, and when to refill guest’s drinks, but mostly, when to talk, which was almost never.
Trish, sounds like you have a narcissist on your hands. Control is like air to them.
Thanks Regina and Astelle for your replies. Regina I can identify with your aunt, I too have a difficult time having a conversation with people when he is around in fear he may try to correct me. He even rearranges the way I put dishes in the dishwasher because he thinks he can load it better. I have brought this to his attention on many occasions, sometimes he corrects the behavior but then goes back to it. Many times I thought of leaving, especially now that he is starting to show behavior like this to my daughters. At dinner he will tell them “I like such such to eat you should too”, He also make coughing noises when he doesn’t want anyone to hear me speak. My biggest fear is that the girls will either start to treat me like this or that they choose future partners that behave like this. Should I get counseling for this guy or should I just get out of the relationship?
Trish,
You can’t “get counseling” for someone. Usually the only people who are helped by counseling are people who want to change and recognize they have issues and enter it on their own accord. Something tells me your guy doesn’t fall anywhere near into that category.
You should get out of the relationship as soon as possible. Like Regina said, get out while you still have a mind to work with. If not for your own sanity and self respect, then for your daughters. Having them witness you being treated like this by a man, as well as him starting to show the same behavior towards them, will MESS THEM UP.
Trish, I just read your comment and felt compelled to say something. As Carm has rightly pointed out, you can’t ‘get’ counselling for someone. His behaviour is incredibly disrespectful and cowardly. He is a bully and the fact that he doesn’t even have the decency to hold back around your daughters speaks volumes. If you think you can get him to want to go for counselling then that is a different matter but if he has such a huge superiority complex, I doubt that he will see any value in what you are saying. His behaviour is hugely concerning, not least because if this continues without being addressed, your daughters will learn a pattern of behaviour that will impact on their future relationships. You are in an abusive relationship and your daughters are a party to that. If anything, you should get counselling and focus on building the strength to get out for this bully of a man. No good will come of being around a man with this character. {{hugs}}
Trish, please let us know how you are doing. We are all here in some state of broken heartedness and healing, but I am just a bit worried that your case is more serious than most of us. Phone home, Trish!
As NML said, this guy is more than an EUM, he is a bully. The bully is a pathological type, who does long-lasting emotional damage on a career basis. I had a workplace bully (a woman) who beat the self-esteem out of me for about seven years, the damage of which, I believe, is what led me into involving myself with EUMs.
Many hugs and keep in touch.
So glad that Annie referred me to your site. I am going through a distructive divorce after 18 years of marriage and trying to prove my worth to someone that was not worth half my life. I did sent him packing but only after I let him assist in destroying pretty much every part of me. Now that the divorce is on, I see that he treats me the same as he did while we were together. The day he filed for divorce, he called, invited me to lunch, accepted $1,000 from me and never mentioned a word about filing papers or even wanting a divorce. In fact he played upon my thoughts of divorce being wrong by pretending to reconsile until I was finally served papers in May. Meanwhile, he had a tart on the side that he was, still is, playing for a fool. I finally met someone that I thought was a good man, but after a couple months, he’s a verbally abusive assclown. At least I recognize it now, although dumping said clown when I am at my lowest of lows has not been done YET. Guess I still feel the ole tug to be comfortably mistreated. Oh, but I will get beyond this! Thank all of you for frankness when I do not know what to believe anymore.
I agree with the comments regarding Trish’s situation. What she is experiencing with this man is total verbal abuse, and sadly, what can come next is physical abuse. This does go way beyond just getting jacked around by an EUM–this is very serious, and Trish–please find the courage to leave this man, if not for you–for the sake of your kids. Good luck to you.
Wow. I am so glad to find this post (as well as the others on this site). I’ve been dating a guy who is EXACTLY like this and I see myself responding in the ways you mentioned. For about 2 years, I just put up with it and kept my sadness/frustration to myself – always thinking if I were “prettier” or “more secure” he would want to commit to me. But I have noticed for the past year or so I am starting to exhibit many PA behaviors myself – I have been making short, stabbing comments when I feel he is pulling away or giving HIM the silent treatment – all in hopes that HE will stop behaving the way he does. So now we are caught up in this dance with one another – the push/pull one. Thanks so much for the enlightenment – I really needed it.
Poorly written! You’re not being specific enough when talk about one or the other.
I should be a bit more fair. As I’ve read on, some points make more sense. However, I’m a male and the “he” in your subject actually applies to several “shes” in my life. Unfortunately, by distinguishing a specific sex, rather than speaking in general terms and about passive aggressives as a whole, you’ve alienated half of your audience and served to confuse.
But I should say that there’s some points taken better in my third and fourth reads.