It’s time for another episode of Why Did We Break Up?.
Swept off her feet by her co-worker Andrew, when Zoe’s 23-year marriage ended abruptly, she moved in with him weeks later, not realising the extent of the gambling debt that he’d amassed. Over the next six years, she sunk her inheritance into paying off his debts that kept popping up like a game of whack-a-mole, alongside coping with anxious nights wondering where he was. It was lies, lies, lies and more lies. When Andrew took some time off between jobs to visit family, she didn’t think anything of it, but that was the last time she saw him. After playing Columbo and uncovering even more lies, Zoe felt as if her whole world had collapsed and felt suicidal at times. Now with intermittent drunken calls from him and her having tried to move on with someone else, she’s ready to hear the answer to the question, ‘Why did we break up?’.
LINKS MENTIONED IN THE SHOW
Overcompensating
Over-functioning
Over-responsible post
Over-responsible podcast episode
Money stories post on the blog
What’s your money story? podcast episode
Additional links
Betting On Potential In Relationships
Despite Good Points, We Deal With The Consequences of People Coming As Full Packages
It’s Time To Stop Playing The Relationship Slot Machine
What’s Your Limit? Deal Breakers and the Importance of Listening to Your Shame Alarm
Knowing When To Fold: Bad Investments in Relationships & Seeing The Bigger Picture
419 scams and self-esteem
Don’t Try To Get Romantic Partners To Step In As Parental Replacements
Co-Dependents Anonymous (UK), Co-Dependents Anonymous (International)
Gamblers Anonymous (UK), Gamblers Anonymous (International)
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Nat xxx
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Hi Natalie,
Tank You so muchow for your books “Mr Unavailable and the fallback-girl” and “the NC rules”.
Though it was painful sometimes to accept that there will be no happy end as we define it with our strange point of view they really helped me.
Kind regards from Germany
Christiane
I find all these episodes very moving but this one in particular really touched me.
I guess I see myself in Zoe and really feel for her. The motivation to get unmet needs met in the wrong places is a powerful urge and not easily overcome once you’re in the grip of it. But yes change is possible and sometimes rock bottom has to be hit first unfortunately.
I’m not sure if Zoe realises quite how much she has been through and I agree with Natalie that she may have been a short step away from a nervous breakdown. Only through therapy did I learn just how damaging my own experiences had been. I dismissed them as nothing or normalised bad behaviour but I learned (still learning) to take myself more seriously.
I agree, Zoe has had a lucky escape and I hope she gives herself time to recover, grieve her losses, reconnect with her family and friends and, above all, reconnects with herself.
All the best and lots of love
xx